Mausam

Manboy meets girl. Manboy falls in love. Girl doesn't.

Every once in a while a film comes around that defines an actor's career. Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic, Sir Anthony Hopkins in The Silence Of The Lambs and Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman are just some of the actors who have starred in films that have proved to be seminal pieces of work (although some would describe Sir Anthony's performance as an animal piece of work...). In Bollywood, these films don't tend to come around as often, with about 70% of movies a year being declared box-office flops (it's a wonder these films ever get past the script stages...). For an actress like Sonam Kapoor, the future looked rather promising. After starring in the critical and commercial success that was Saawariya (the first Bollywood film to be released on Blu-Ray?), the world was her oyster (well India anyway; you never know, Sonam could star in a film called 'Oyster' about the pitfalls of the Transport For London network...). Although I liked Delhi-6 very much, critics didn't (darn those critics!). And then she starred in the deplorable I Hate Luv Storys (I Hate these bland romantic comedies Imran Khan stars in!; although I Luv songs from the film) and Thank You. So when Mausam came calling, Sonam rightly grabbed the opportunity with both hands. But according to reports, there were troubles a-brewing on set. Apparently she had problems with co-star Shahid Kapoor and director Punit Malhotra (although she denied this), and complained that the film wasn't light-hearted like Bodyguard or Singham. Light-hearted? Surely the aim with Mausam was to make an epic film like Titanic, not senseless, plot-hole ridden films like Bodyguard and Singham! (things don't bode well for my reviews of both movies...) I don't think I will ever understand Bollywood stars! But with the financial backing of her now Hollywood actor father Anil (loved him as the President of a fake Middle East country in 24!), I guess Ms. Sonam can do as she pleases. With the financial muscle (not pure muscle mind...) her father possesses, maybe she could star in a remake of a romantic comedy (alongside Shahid who she has no problem with...) where there's no doubt as to what the Mausam is like, seeing as it's always hot in India... (if it's light-hearted she wants, it's light-hearted she'll get!)

"With tatti on my lovely jubbly, how am I meant to dance to Mallo Malli?!?"

The story begins in November 1992 in Mallukot, Punjab, where an old man reads a letter sent to him about the on-going war in Kashmir. With the letter he's also being sent Aayat (played by Sonam Kapoor). On the other side (not of the world; it's not a globetrotting love story just yet!) is Harrinder Singh (played by Shahid Kapoor), a daredevil who's not afraid to risk his life if it means accomplishing a goal (like trying to beat a train on bike). But Harrinder is stopped in his (dirt) tracks by Gulzari (played by one of my favourite Zero Screentime Walas - Manoj Pahwa!). Gulzari's vehicle ends up splashing dirt all over Harrinder's face (oh his good looks are ruined!); Harrinder demands that Gulzari washes his face (he ends up doing it himself; it's not like he's handicapped or anything...). On this same vehicle is Aayat, who's unrecognisable because she's dressed head to toe in a full burka (I repeat - oh no her good looks are ruined!). Harrinder is anything but clumsy as he knocks over a row of bikes which fall on top of a Sikh gentleman's car (clearly there are no thefts in Punjab as a pole and a lock are nowhere to be found...), as he desperately searches for a letter that's been sent to him in his name. Harrinder comes face to face with the Sikh gentleman, and as he caused the damage to the car, feels obliged to fix it.

Just because he pimped her ride didn't mean he wanted her to be his ho

Ever the schemer, under the false pretence of fixing the car, Harry (as Harrinder's better known) and his friends take it for a joy ride, and stop over for a game of cricket (these early scenes reminded me of Dil Bole Hadippa, which Shahid also starred in). Harry ropes in a town beauty (well not compared to Sonam Kapoor, but beautiful in her own right) called Rajjo (played by Aditi Sharma) to cook him and his friends some food, all for free! (it's amazing what a colourful jumper will do for the ladies...). Not content with racing the train earlier (I wonder if he was trying to board that train - in India you'd get killed trying!), Harry narrowly misses hitting a train with his friends onboard their car. Rajjo who has a crush on Harry, gives Harry's sister Pammo (played by Maya Mankotia) a tin of ladoos (i.e. Indian sweets), which Harry duly snatches off her. I just loved the exchange of dialogue between Harry and Pammo at this point in the film (it just reinforces what a great actor Shahid is!). "Come on, give it to me quickly." (referring to the tin of ladoos) "Hey, you should be ashamed." "Hey, what have I done?" "That girl Rajjo has a deep crush on you." "So what should I do?" (he says sarcastically) "I should go and tell dad about all your misdeeds." "But what have I done, sister? She has a crush on me. I don't." "What does Rajjo lack?" "Nothing." "So?" "She is nice. But she is not for me. My girl will be special." "Special indeed!" "I mean, she will be special." "Have you seen your face?" "Yes. The most handsome boy in Punjab." "Forget it."

Pammo wouldn't hit a dumb note otherwise she'd get a poke from her yum bro

And then someone calls (with the someone being Pammo's fiancee), so Harry hands over the tin of ladoos over to his sister and answers the call. "Hello." "Harry. MP from London." "Wow! Your special one has called. (to his sister) Tell me, brother-in-law." "Come on, give me the phone." "How is everybody?" "Hey, everyone's body is fine." "How are the preparations going on?" "Give me the phone!" "Hey, listen! When are you coming? And get my wife from there." "Sure, sure, I will get her, brother-in-law. Now give the phone to her." "Harry, give me the phone." "Here, talk to your madam." Harry then (amusingly) lovingly imitates the way Pammo says hello to her fiancee, only to be scolded by Pammo and told to go away! (I'm ashamed to say when my sister used to talk to her friends when we were little I used to hold her nose while she talked... not advisable!) Harry only leaves because his sister admits he is the most handsome boy in Punjab (yes Shahid, you look good in this film, but there's no need to constantly repeat it!).

Milan or Paris, she's definitely a big fan of Harry's!

Meanwhile Aayat is reminded of home when she's told by her father Ghulam Rasool (played by Kamal Chopra) to stay with aunty Fatima (played by Supriya Pathak Kapur) and concentrate on her studies (we'll see how long that lasts...). By (luck by) chance Harry sets his eyes on Aayat while returning home with some bread, and falls in love instantly. He thinks the smallest pair of binoculars in the world (probably, I haven't checked...) will help him get a better view of Aayat walking through the woods with study books in hand (ah so innocent - reminds me of Bollywood films from the 80s...), but all it does is make him bleed from a cut (love hurts I tell you...). This whole love at first sight angle is played out to the song 'Rabba Main Toh Mar Gaya Oye', (meaning 'God I Have Died') one of the finest songs I think has come out of the Bollywood factory (which is thankfully not an Acid Factory...) in years. While you check out the music video below, I'm off to hunt down those binoculars... (Rabba Voh Binoculars Toh Mar Jaye Oye!)

Harry was so amazed how one magician named Ethan could produce so much methane

Fixing his bike up, Harry tells a passer-by that his cycle's chain has come off, which sparks one of the best filmi responses I've ever heard from Gulzari (he's like a one man shayiri machine!), who says "These days his chain is always down." (Bollywood actors who lower their chains have the desired effect... to get the ladies to woo at their bottoms!). The problem with this film is that in terms of cinematography the film is unparalleled, but at a cost of the story being quite flimsy. Harry finally gets to meet his brother-in-law to be at a train station. Dressed like Hrithik Roshan's character Ethan from Guzaarish, Harry adorns a haar (what do you call this in English?) on Mascarenhas which makes him muskara (I couldn't resist writing this!). After the song 'Sajh Dhaj Ke' (which I'm not going to provide a music video of as the song irritates me no end!) which celebrates the marriage of Harry's sister and his fiancee (it's a big Sikh celebration; reminds me of a bunch of loveable Sikh idiots...), Harry finally gets together with Aayat on a cold night as she sits beside her mother doing some writing (leave her alone Harry, she's come to Punjab to concentrate on her studies!). He hands her a piece of paper which he has written his name on, and Aayat does the same on another.

The water washes away the ink as one famous daughter has very little to do but blink

Thus begins their communication by paper, and after writing a few things, they let the words wash away in a glass of water (a great visual trick I must say - reinforces my idea about the cinematography). It seems every trick in the book (with the book being 'Bollywood Magic' of course... I wonder if it's available in Kaagaz Ka Phool?) has been used to make Mausam look good, including the star-crossed lovers (they might as well have called the film Romeo & Juliet...) talking on opposite ends of a wall as rain lashes down. Harry asks Aayat if he should live or die, to which she responds "Come to see me tomorrow morning, then I will tell you." (exactly like Romeo & Juliet then...). But Aayat is nowhere to be seen, and we suddenly flash-forward seven years (1999 to be precise), to bonny Scotland which seems to have transposed itself to the Victorian ages (I found this odd to say the least!). I have never seen so many flowers in Scotland - don't get me started on the horse and cart! (it's a case of the director wanting to cram in everything visually appealing in one scene, regardless of whether it makes sense or not) Can you spot the horse and cart in the (beautiful) song 'Ik Tu Hi Tu Hi' below?

"Get your Mozart tickets here, don't fear it won't put you to sleep like the IPL cricket!"

Aayat is in Scotland, advertising a Mozart concert on the streets dressed as well, Mozart! (other famous composers are available...) Her friend Jack who is in an invisible costume (I was rather impressed with this disguise... makes a change to wearing a hood!), asks her for some food (she gives him a sandwich...), and Aayat carries on selling tickets, but without much success (dare I say her accent makes her hard to understand?). Who also happens to be in Scotland, on the same street as Aayat? None other than Harry (this was so unrealistic it hurt), who's dressed in a pilot's outfit (he could be a stripper...), and whose fellow pilots buy tickets for the concert. While Aayat passes her time by doing ballet (really?), Harry passes his by sporting a cravate and moustache - about thirty years past his time! Aayat and Harry now meet up in Scotland, and remarkbly manage to have a conversation in a coffee shop without actually speaking. Yes their minds do the talking. This makes a the no the sense! (thought I'd copy Farhan Akhtar's character speaking style from Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara...) During their mental conversation, Aayat mentions that she now lives in Scotland with her father and uncle Maharaj Kishan (played by Anupam Kher), otherwise known as Machu (he's anything but macho...).

"This is Churchill's lighter, if I was whiter, with this hat people would think I'm Tommy Cooper!"

While on the phone to Pammo in Scotland, Harry gets her to guess where he is. He says "Clue. On one side there is Kashmiri carpet. Kashmiri caps. Some wooden items. Flowers. Kashmiri boat. Now tell me." (surely he's in Kashmir?!?). His sister's best guess is that he's in some market, and as she's wrong he reveals he's in Aayat's shop. He meets Macho in the very same shop, and Macho behaves as if he's a customer in the shop, and Harry works there. They get into a discussion about a lighter, which Harry boasts proudly about. "This is Winston Churchill's lighter. He used to hit the target of his cigar with amazing precision with the help of this lighter. Phew! Cost you about 500 pounds." (like Winston Churchill's lighter would show up in some random pawn shop; there's more chance of a speaking dog called Churchill - wait...). Macho asks if he's crazy asking for that much money, to which Harry replies "Indian." Macho then says yes, and Harry replies "Hindi." (I'm yet to induct either Shahid Kapoor or Anupam Kher into my collection of crazy Hindi Indians...)

There's no way they'd let the Little Focker take the hand of their only daughter!

Sitting down for a heart to heart with Ghulam Rasool and Macho, Harry is interrogated by the duo (I've heard of meeting the parents, but not meeting the father and uncle...). "So there must have been a lot of drinks in the party." "Yes." "Free, right?" "Yes. But I don't drink." "All air force officers drink." "That's not exactly true, sir." "You don't drink. You don't smoke. He must be taking some kind of intoxicant." "Actually, I don't like any such intoxicant, whose effects wanes with the passage of time. I love life. I am obsessed with life. I have heard when the effect of this intoxicant wanes, there is only light." (whereas if one is obsessed with wife, there is only fight...). Speaking of being obsessed, I've become a little obsessed with the song 'Mallo Malli', the song with an annoyingly catchy tune, and a song which is out of place with the rest of the movie! Check it out below!

This awesome blood shot did(n't) ensure a flood of people came to watch Mausam

Aayat gives her phone to family friend Akram; telling Harry that when she was young her marriage was fixed with Akram, but she declined as she didn't want to go to America (but why - it's the land of hope and glory!) Another glorious visual in the film is when Harry decides they must paint their hands red and clasp them together, to show unity. But united they can't be (maybe Harry's a Manchester United supporter?), as Harry's has to head off on fighter pilot duties, as there is a war going on. With Harry away for extended periods of time, Aayat eventually marries Akram. In a scene reminiscent of My Name Is Khan, Akram is detained at a Swiss airport because they think he may be a terrorist (with events taking place during 9/11 and all). Harry's friends try to set him up with another woman at a function but he declines (hilariously he tells his friends to get her married to an aeroplane as she's more interested in his career!).

Ferris wheel ka baccha Shahid ko steal karna tha, varna Aayat usko marry nahi karegi!

On the off-chance Harry is in Switzerland as well, he notices Aayat standing in snow, but by this time he has already boarded a train. He gets off, and tries to find her but to no luck (Harry should know that unlike trains in say London, Swiss trains are always on time, and so he should have stayed on board...). It really gets confusing how they keep switching back and forth between time periods (let me just say it's remarkable how Harry saves a baby from an amusement park Ferris wheel...), and it really is unbelievable how two lovers can keep meeting up in different cities at different points in time (although the film made more sense than The Time Traveler's Wife...). Do Aayat and Harry ever consummate their love? If you haven't already, you'll have to watch the film to find out... (I warn you - the film is two and a half hours plus!) Despite the breaktaking cinematography, there isn't much to recommend story-wise, as it just plods along - the film could have been cut to an hour and a half and made more sense. Supposing Harry and Aayat do finally get together, Aayat would obviously become a pilot's wife. Maybe in a sequel to Mausam, we could see an action movie (remake) where Harry gets to show off his muscle as a top fighter pilot, oh and his actual muscles... (because the lack of Shahid body on show in Mausam must have definitely disappointed the ladies...)

Up there with the best of the chest - he feels the need, the need for speed!

Don't know what Kajol signifies? 

No she's not one of Aayat's sisters
(We Are Family!) telling Aayat about
Harry that Pyaar To Hona Hi Tha.

Read my Rating Aur Hating post to find out...

The Dirty Picture

Dirty. Flirty. Short skirt showing her knees. Want her? Just say please!

Sexy. Seductive. Sultry. No, these aren't words I'd use to describe myself (although you'll be surprised the wonders a hood can do for your looks...), rather these words aptly describe the look Vidya Balan portrays in The Dirty Picture, in which she plays the iconic Silk Smitha, the sex icon and fantasy of many a man (is it wrong to say she doesn't look that sexy to me?) in the 70s and 80s. Obviously Vidya's look in the film got people talking, as up until this movie was announced she's only played strong feminine characters without as much showing a great amount of skin (I may be wrong; I can't claim to have seen all her films!). News reports have mentioned that Vidya was asked to put on weight (not something your average Bollywood actress would normally be asked to do!) and had to wear pads and prosthetics to give her character Silk a busty look (because Bollywood actresses never go under the knife...). Vidya isn't exactly the spitting image of Silk Smitha, but nevertheless after seeing the film I can attest that she definitely conveys the three S's mentioned earlier. It seems Silk Smitha is the poster girl for sexuality in Bollywood, as in recent years (recent as ten years or so) Bollywood has become quite open with their actresses showing skin, almost becoming a neccesity. But here is where the problem lies. We're seeing all these new actresses appearing either for the duration of a film, or just making an appearance in one song. There's no staying power! It seems Bollywood directors/producers want an unknown beauty in each of their films, where they make one appearance and then aren't seen for a while (just look at Pakhi Tyrewala in Jhootha Hi Sahi), or ever again. Around the time Katrina Kaif was a sensation (her ubiquitousness now is just boring) it seemed Bollywood wanted actresses who were beautiful yet had an Indian heritage. Now, with the likes of Amy Jackson, it doesn't matter that you're Indian, just that you're beautiful! (I'm sure there's a whole host of beautiful Indian actresses who've been plying their trade for years without as much as a call-up) But unlike these new actresses who make the odd film here and there (with 'there' being Telugu/Malayalam films...), Vidya's definitely got the staying power (her winning Best Actress awards year in year out proves this!). With attention now on Vidya's sexuality as well as her acting ability, maybe she'd like to star in a horror film remake where her body takes centre stage... (although saying that, horror films tend to flop in Bollywood; Megan Fox is more body but less an actor...)

The soon to be sex star liked to say "Ooh La La!" before the film's climax

The film begins by showing us how the young Silk Smitha (not called Silk then mind, but Reshma) was a rebel as a child; not getting down from a ladder when instructed to do so by her mother (maybe she was saving a cat!). And then later when Reshma's all grown up, she pretends to have an orgasm just to annoy the neighbours who are failing to climax (probably because the film has only begun...). While cleaning dishes outside a food stall, Reshma tells her Amma "I have what boys desire. So, who is better? Me or a boy?". Unless what they desire is a curly moustache, then boys are definitely better... (on second thought, I know a few Indian girls with moustaches...) Reshma basically makes an earning having sex with middle-aged men, who are keeping their sordid activities quiet from their wives. Rather than idolise the men, Reshma has her eyes firmly fixed on ageing Bollywood star Suryakant (played by Naseeruddin Shah). Promos of the film surrounded the song 'Ooh La La', in which Silk Smitha is lavished upon by her "fantasy". While you firmly fix your eyes on the music video, I'm off to figure out who exactly in Bollywood is my fantasy... (I'll pick a Zero Screentime Wala/Wali at random!)

Director: "Rotate the whip, move those hips, lick your lips, now come here and gimme a kiss!"

Reshma decides to try her luck with a casting agent. "The selection is done." "Sir, sir, I want to be an actor, sir." "And I wanted to be a director." "Sir I don't want to dance like other girls.  I want to act, sir." "And I wanted to make offbeat films." "Sir, I'll do anything to become an actor." "And to become a director I could not do anything." "Would you like to see what's not in these pictures?" "Do you want to hear the story of my film?" "Sir you aren't even listening to me. Sir, step out of your film." "And you step out of your dreams. There are 25 like you waiting outside, and tomorrow there will be 50 more. You're good for nothing. Neither do you have the seductive charm of a lover nor the grace of a wife. You are very dull." "I've been living on sugar for two days, so how can I look spicy?" These days to get recognised in Bollywood you really have to stand out; I'm sure some actresses have had to literally look spicy on screen... And so Reshma goes to the cinema to see Suryakant's latest picture, knowing full well that she could easily star opposite him. It's amazing what a whip, revealing clothing and a sexual pout can do for your acting abilities! (after all, it is the directors who make you the star...) But film director Abraham (played by Emraan Hashmi) is not easily impressed by Reshma's lures, thinking it looks vulgur and cheap on screen (well the budget wasn't that big in the 80s...).

Keedadas liked his girls to go full blast - Silk was just interested in drinking her chaas fast!

In anticipation of seeing herself on the big screen, Reshma takes her Amma along to see her performance in one of the film's songs (so that's how "item numbers" started!). But Reshma doesn't get her five minutes of fame as her scene doesn't make it to the final cut. The film doesn't fare well at the box office, so Selva Ganesh (played by Rajesh Sharma), a producer of the film, decides that the film should be re-released in smaller towns with Reshma's performance put back in (let's hope no one choked on their popcorn/jalebis!). Low and behold, Selva's words ring true as this unknown actress becomes an overnight sensation. Reshma gains an admirer, who stalks her to her house, expecting her to be as grand as she is on screen. But she's nothing like the sort, and his pack of condoms (I think they were anyway!) will have to be saved for some other dame (not Judi Dench mind...). Selva finally meets up with his screen saviour, as he tells Reshma (after seeing a cart wheeled by with 'Silk Sarees' painted on it) "Silk! Today onwards your name is Silk." Reshma amusingly replies back "And your name is Mr. Worm... Silk is created by worms.". And thus Reshma becomes Silk Smitha, and Selva Ganesh becomes Keedadas!

Suryakant: "Silk?!? You're more like cotton! Don't tilt - I need to feel your bottom!"

In her first screen test with the great Suryakant (what they make us believe...), Silk is a nervous wreck, feel uncomfortable and contrived. I don't know what it is about Vidya Balan, but she's the only actress I know who can look older than her years in one scene, and young and fresh in another (exactly how I'd describe her when I talked to her at Heathrow Airport...). I guess that's the hallmarks of a great actress! (or the by-product of a good make-up team...) Whatever Silk does to charm the director of the film doesn't work, and so Suryakant lays down the rules. "Surya gives only one take. That's it... A day with Surya is worth a hundred thousand rupees! Understand? A good looking fruit isn't always sweet!". Well Naseeruddin Shah's hair alone must have cost a thousand rupees alone to dye... (he's not convincing anyone he's young!) The sour apple (i.e. Silk; apples are good looking right?!?) is given some sage advice by Surya. He tells her "This plastic (cigarette) cover. Whether it's there or not, it makes no difference to the cigarette. Similarly, whether you are in this film or not, it makes no difference to anyone." (so basically Silk is trash to him...). Silk replies back saying "You know something, if there's no cover and it rains, the cigarette won't even light up." (Silk wants to be the light to his cigarette...). Silk does what Reshma does best, and that's sleep to get what she wants. She does the deed with Surya, and suddenly she becomes the apple of his eye! (a sweet apple mind...)

Smitha wouldn't wither in the water because she got paid to bathe

Silk eventually comes toe to toe with Abraham, telling him "Films need three things to sell, entertainment, entertainment, entertainment!". This is the famous line from the film, but I'd have to disagree. Films need three things to sell, disagreement, agreement, and finally entertainment! (because these producers and directors never see eye to eye, let alone toe to toe...) A photographer/interviewer from Manorama magazine catches Silk bathing in a bath, and after Silk asks why he's not taking pictures of the house as well as her, he responds "When the goddess is present in her full glory, who cares about the temple?" (you do often forget that sexuality and religion go hand in hand...). With Abraham being the narrator of the movie, he speaks of his distaste of Silk's actions but he's aware of her nonetheless (you can't escape her; Silk's sexuality is too much for one man to handle!). He says "She was running in a race, where you must look straight ahead." (because if you look anywhere but straight ahead, you'll probably catch an eyeful of skin!). Silk's mesmerising performances continue, and so does Abraham's disparaging comments. Speaking of mesmerising, that's exactly how I'd describe the music video for 'Ishq Sufiyana', my favourite song from the film! Check it out below; those spinning woman wearing head scarves are just mind-bendingly beautiful... (look out for the amazing sweeping shot of Silk to Abraham singing)

Silk endorsed this horse, but unlike her men, would it run the full course?

At the races (no not the race Abraham mentioned, although some men would testify Silk was as strong as a horse...), Silk meets Ramakant (played by Tusshar Kapoor), who is Suryakant's younger brother and the writer for one of Suryakant's forthcoming films. The way in which Silk romances a different man in turn reminds me of Priyanka Chopra's character in 7 Khoon Maaf, although I wouldn't quite say this film is as disturbing as that was (titallating this film is though!). Being a big fan of Silk's, Ramakant tells her "Apart from a dozen horses and a few asses, there's no one here who doesn't know you." (by asses he probably means a few of Silk's former conquests, I just hope they're not bare asses...). Silk bets on a horse, and wins! (I bet she did something to that horse!) In bed with Surya, Silk says to him "At night you prefer to be like the hands of a clock at 12 o'clock. But during the day, your clock says 6 o'clock.". Clearly the viagra must be working, otherwise at night the hands of his clock would be at 6 o'clock! (or whatever viagra was in those days, probably some alteration  of paan...) Silk catches Surya with another woman (what else do you expect of a mega-rich film star; *cough* Salman Khan *cough*...), who happens to be Surya's wife. This begins Silk's downfall, where suicide is a real possiblity (it's quite tragic how Silk and actresses of her ilk died).

The man who would not divorce presented Silk her award right before she caused an uproar

Dressed in a typically sexually alluring outfit, Silk knocks on her mother's door, only to be rebuffed by her (she may be right outside her home, but according to her mother, she probably couldn't be further from home...). At an awards ceremony where Silk wins an award (Santosham Awards, the last syllable of 'Santosham' says it all...), she makes a powerful speech addressing the audience. "I really don't know where to begin. If I begin right at the start, my mother will be hurt. If I talk about the present, you might feel offended. Because today I won't stop. Everybody's right eye is twitching and heart on the left is throbbing, anticipating what I'm about to say. You must be wondering why you ever put a nobody like me on a pedestal. Some people are famous because of what they do. I'm infamous for what I do. Vulgar, disgusting, sexy, dirty, the words that are applied to describe me. Just so someone's film could take off, I was used as a boarding pass... You made me dance, but nobody noticed my effort or my sincerity. You were busy noticing something else... My films are not meant to be watched with the family, but people watch them alone and end up with a bigger family. If I open a few buttons, then everyone will break into a sweat." (obviously the reason people watch films alone is because the rest of their family are late from work/school...).

Silk: "Tum ho Shakeela, ya nakli Shakira?" Hips move kar ke batana!"

Once Silk finishes giving her rousing speech (add 'a' before rousing and you get what most of the men were probably feeling looking at Silk...), she meets Nayla (played by Anju Mahendru), who writes all the bad stuff about Silk (she must be jealous...). Nayla tells Silk that things will be bad if she stops writing about her, because Silk needs the publicity, be it good or bad to sell. And just before the film's intermission, Silk aptly says "I'm not some film that will change after the interval." (because it sucks when the film your watching changes to another when you pop the loo - it happens so frequently...). Standing atop a car, Silk decides to play up to her adoring fans by showing off her curves and eventually kissing Ramakant squarely on the lips. But Silk isn't the only woman in town. No. There's Shakeela (played by Arya Banerjee; a lot like Shakira in that both like to shake their hips...), an up and coming starlet who's out to steal Silk's crown. And so both take to the dance floor to show who's better, which you can see in the music video 'Honeymoon Ki Raat' below (sorry Shakeela, but my vote still goes to Silk!).

#"Happy Birthday to you - the not gay Tusshar Ka-poor!"#

Ultimately Silk's shameless antics lead her to drinks and drugs, which doesn't do much for her looks (she should have tried wearing a hood...). But as Silk's condition deteriorates, Abraham's affections for her grows (odd this!). He hates and loves her in equal measures, saying "I was the dog that had gone mad after biting Silk." (if you bite Silk do you get rabies?). Silk orders two "Silk coffees" for the both of them, which is quite famous, and is the best cure for a hangover (or a sleepover...). It was amusing to see Abraham almost choke on the coffee, a coffee which surely is being made to this day in Silk's hometown of Chennai. Towards the end of the film, Silk gets involved in some dubious films (let's just say sex doesn't sell...) and mired in this conspiracy Silk eventually dies a lonely woman (it's not a spoiler if it's based on real life!). It's a shame it all ended for Silk the way it did, as later in her life, she could have resurrected her career, a lot like many yesteryear Bollywood actresses have (Madhuri Dixit and Raveena Tandon to name but two). Back in the relative comforts of her hometown of Chennai, Silk could have starred in a film alongside Ramakant (let's be honest, the more non-comedic roles Tusshar Kapoor can get the better!) and Shakeela, where the bright lights, glitz and glamour of Chennai take centre stage...

A city like Bengal where there's always an idli and dosa stall... and all that jazz!

Don't know what Irrfan Khan signifies?

No he's not one of Silk Smitha's former love interests
(if he was he'd probably sell his Kahaani about her
to a newspaper - whether he's Right Yaaa Wrong).

Read my Rating Aur Hating post to find out...